It’s been awhile since I have dared to put pen to paper…
I am always afraid of the emotions lying in my subconscious, yet days like today, I yearn for my fingers to take over and fly across the keyboard to discover what exactly it is I am feeling.
As I come to terms with the letters appearing on my screen it occurs to me I am feeling angst, sadness and guilt yet, joy and hope. I am a sucker for hope.
Two years ago as the world hit pause with the beginning of the pandemic I wrote “Looking In”
This time last year incredibly thankful to our front line heroes and grateful for a vaccine I wrote “I See You”.
I am distressed at the idea that as human beings still we learn nothing!
In most countries right now pandemic restrictions are lifting, bars and restaurants are once again able to regale their patrons with wonderful tastes and aromas and the sound of clinking glasses. The curtains are lifting in theatres, the lights are shining in establishments long closed and sports arenas will soon be filled with the audible rush of cheering fans. This SHOULD be a time for celebration for accolades for high fives and slaps on the back to a job well done!
Now Russia is pillaging, plundering, annihilating Ukraine.
Has there not been enough pain? Is that what the world was waiting for ?
My heart aches and summersaults and my head shakes at the mundane things that continue to happen to those who are lucky enough to walk down the street without the fear of being harmed, of leaving their home knowing that it will still be there when they come home. Of saying good bye to their family members knowing they will see them again soon. Of baby showers and welcoming new babies to peaceful and lovingly decorated nurseries.
What shall I make for dinner? Is my favourite coffee place still open at this hour? Should I switch to a different shampoo ? Shall I wear the blue or the red? No matter, which ever I choose I feel guilty at this plethora of choices I am free to make.
Even before the very first Ukranian Refugee crossed the border, 82 million people globally had been forced from their homes. The highest number on record. This number includes over 6 million Syrians (the world’s largest population of refugees), over 1 million Rohingyas from Myanmar and 48 million forced from their homes by conflict and violence displaced within their own countries in Yemen, in Somalia, in Afghanistan, in Ethiopia and so many more places. (Source @angelinajolie)
A compassionate, even only – slightly aware person can be crushed by the weight of this. One can only donate and purchase so many things with the hope it will aide someone.
It is our duty to find joy.
It produces endorphins and can be contagious and ….just like hope, it should not be taken from you.
So here is what I do.
I dance.
I let the music wash over me, I let my body sway, tremble and stomp. I spin till I am dizzy, jump till I am giddy, I imagine the people I love most dancing with me, holding my hand and laughing with me. I let it all go…. the weight of it all…the ugliness of it all…
I just dance for brief bits of time in to the light …